I would like to wake up next to a "real man", who honestly cares about me

Discover the structure behind dating, when things “suddenly” work. Learn to see the big picture and where to start. Download 3-step guide CREATIVE DATING LOOP for free. BONUS inside: online tool - "Dating Readiness Quiz" to explore your specific situation and an Online course to explain your relationship patterns and help you build an action plan.

How to increase your sex appeal without changing your body

couple 7 (2).jpg

After his divorce Jan felt lonely and wanted to find a new partner. However he doubted he was able to do it: “I don't like to present myself and compete with others at the dating market. Which woman would possibly like my bald head?”

His neighbor Susan was also single and insecure: “I am too skinny and not pretty enough for men to like me. I am not interesting enough to stand out of the crowd.”  They secretly liked each other but...

When they accidently met on the street, both quickly looked down and quietly passed one another. Every night they were sleeping alone at the opposite sides of the same wall. The wall of insecurities. Both were thinking: “I feel like I am the only ones with this problem!” If only were they able to accept their own little imperfections, they could have already been enjoying a glass of wine on a teras together.

Good looking and attractive is not the same

attractrive forever (2).jpg

Attraction makes the difference when we are deciding whether an interesting man can be your potential partner or just a friend. Same applies from men’s point of view. If we were not born looking like a supermodel, we can mistakenly assume that our body will prevent us from being attractive to men.

In a study, group of women were rating, how attracted do they feel to different men. Surprisingly the best looking men received lower attraction score than expected. The reason was that the women were subconsciously considering whether the man would be also kind. They didn't get this impression from some of the best looking men.

According to another study, conducted by dating app Tinder, people assess the attractiveness of potential dates not solely on the physical body, but also according to the feeling they get from the picture. They try to assess whether the person would be a good match. They do this intuitively based on the style of the picture, background, colors, group setting versus individual activity. Picture of somebody walking a dog on a quiet beach gives a completely different impression than a picture of somebody high fiving a friend at a rock concert.

The way our body looks like certainly plays a role in the attractiveness, but is not the only decision factor. Good looking and attractive is not the same. So what are the other features of attractiveness?

Attractivity features in a box

Imagine a man who drags his feet on the ground, with a slouched back, staring on the ground. Next to him walks in a swift way another man, with his head up. When your eyes accidently meet, he smiles. Which one would be more attractive?

While you can’t easily change your body, you have a lot of control over other attractivity features: the type of words you use, facial expression, body posture, color choice and mental attitude. All these affect your attractiveness and tell something about your current “energy frequency“.

How to quickly read basic clues about attractivity

  • Physiology clues: Low energy is associated with bent posture, limited eye contact, shallow breathing. High energy is associated with straight posture, relaxed face, smile and relaxed movements.

  • Color clues: Low feminine energy is associated with wearing grey, black and plain clothes, as if the woman wanted to be invisible. Women reduce their noticeability by selecting colors and style traditionally used by men. High energy is associated with wearing colorful and feminine clothes, accessories and hairstyle that shows the woman feels good in her skin.
  • Emotional clues: Low energy is associated with being anxious, sad, angry, jealous, depressed. High energy is associated with being excited, creative, sociable, funny, curious and playful.

Studies have shown that when we change our physiology, it also has an effect on our mental state. For example standing in a victorious posture and smiling will affect how you feel. That makes physiology a powerful tool on the way to “high energy zone” and to increase attractiveness.

How it looks like in real life

I decided to use myself as a guinea pig to show you the difference.

exhausted (2).jpg VERY LOW ENERGY DAY
colorful leuven M.jpg HIGH ENERGY DAY

I wish I can say I always had only great days with high energy, but that is not true. During some difficult period I really felt like I wanted to be invisible. I noticed about myself the color clues, that I mentioned. You can see on the left, the attractivity is completely gone and on the right it is there... 

How to use physiology to increase your sexappeal

Mich sunshine Leuven.jpg

A super booster to your sexappeal is a combination of confidence and approachability. There is a way how to use your physiology to increase both confidence and approachability. For this I created an exercise called “Confidence with a smile”.

Confidence With a Smile Exercise©

The exercise consists of three parts.

  • Color clues: Dress in a way that makes you feel good and attractive (elicits confidence). Dress in a feminine way, this shows you are embracing your gender. In the times of emancipated women, looking feminine is especially attractive to men.

  • Physiology clues: Look at  yourself in the mirror with a big smile and then walk outside on the street, where there are a lot of people. Walk slowly and relaxingly, breathe slowly and deeply and smile. (elicits confidence and approachability)

  • Emotional clues: Walk like you own the street and people there, are your guests. (elicits confidence and hospitality) Look people in the eyes and smile as you are meeting them. Smile at all, young and old, everybody without an exception. See how many smiles you get back.

On one side this exercise requires to step out of your comfort zone. On the other side, every smile you get, will make your day nicer. People will start noticing you. This is a simple but yet complex exercise that will make you stand out of the crowd. Practice it regularly until it becomes comfortable. The purpose isn’t to pick up random guys, but to increase your confidence and approachability. That way you have it available when you need it.

WARNING: It could happen to you, men will abandon their restaurant dinner and will chase after you as it happened to me. Two second smile can do a lot. Have fun with it.

In case you are not quite ready for the full version, start with just the walking part, later add smile, then add looking at people and finally add the emotional part of owning the street and having guests.

Confidence, approachability and also happiness are signs of high energy zone. The following is a story what can happen in reality when high energy shines out of you.

Who else wants to know how I moved from zero to eight dating proposals in three weeks


After completing some stressful certification exams, there was a period when I felt particularly happy and relaxed. I looked at people and smiled just because I was in a good mood. For the rest I haven't changed anything. I had still the same body.

I was surprised to get feedback in the form of increased attractiveness. I had eight dating proposals in the period of three weeks from complete strangers on the street, in the subway and at the train station. All because I felt particularly happy during this period. Men found me approachable and were not afraid to start the conversation. One man reported he had seen me for several months on the train but this was the time he decided to talk to me.  

I noticed the contrast. When I am in the low energy level, busy in my own head, people don’t talk to me. After this experience I realized I don’t need to be afraid of being alone. I just need to get myself to that high energy level. Everything else will fall in place.

If you have a question, you can contact me at info@michaelaray.com


I was avoiding to think about dating because I was afraid it would make me long for it even more. The workshop helped me get reassurance and insight into what I want and confidence that I can get it. I particularly liked the combination of the exercises with an 'unconscious' integration - that makes it very powerful.

Update after 6 months: I am 2,5 months in a relationship that I enjoy very much. I am especcialy happy that we are both able to understand each other and communicate in a mature way. 

Olivia Brussels, for ref. +32 484 662 084

It took me a while to move to the “real dating“ since I first had to get into my zone. Now, 6 months later, I am able to choose between many men. Thanks to the book "Mindful Diva Dating" and extra training support, I am on track. Even better news, meanwhile Mr. Right appeared!

I am very glad Michaela taught me her system how to undertake dating with joy and laughter. One of the best decisions I made in a long time!

Denise, 60 Antwerpen

I would like to wake up next to a "real man", who honestly cares about me

Discover the structure behind dating, when things “suddenly” work. Learn to see the big picture and where to start. Download 3-step guide CREATIVE DATING LOOP for free.

I would like to wake up next to a "real man", who honestly cares about me

Discover the structure behind dating, when things “suddenly” work. Learn to see the big picture and where to start. Download 3-step guide CREATIVE DATING LOOP for free. 

This web site is using cookies. By browsing this site, you agree with our use of cookies.